Reality

Late last night I heard the familiar chime of emails coming through my phone. I checked, not really expecting anything in particular, but found two emails stating what CARA wants us to send over relating to the adoption. And then it got real. Awhile back while walking through the store I had a similar moment, that this working towards bringing a new life into our lives was becoming a reality - and last night it happened in the sort of way that as I was sitting there staring at our adoption handbook I got lost in the moment, thinking about it all. Little Abear, meeting his sibling for the first time, the plane ride(s), it was like I got a little jolt. Can I be this close to breathing normally again? Holding it all in for nearly three years, my chest tight, knowing all the waiting will be eternally worth it, am I really close enough to the knowledge of who my little one is? And what will that knowledge produce? I can't imagine waiting longer, knowing who they are but not being able to hold them, tell them how loved they have always been, play with them, introduce them to a world unlike their own, for better or for worse... but wait we will. Each breath one closer to another love, my chest just a little tighter with the nearness of it all.