I am humbled, moved greatly, that this incomprehensible Creator could love me, and yet He does, powerfully. Not because I am faithful, but because He is faithful. If I got what I deserved, I would be in hell. There's nothing I can present to God that will ever be good enough, that will ever make me good enough. He is Who He is and i am who i am. And nothing can ever make us collide, because there's nothing good I could ever earn to give a holy God in exchange for my soul.
But then there's Jesus.
This perfect sacrifice, who had to be fully God yet fully Man, because only Someone that had the blood of a human body pulsing through His veins, yet living a completely blameless life could be offered up for our ugliness. Only beauty can replace ugly, and only love can replace evil. And if that wasn't enough, and it was more than enough, God loves us, in our present earthly form, wildly.
I've been awful, I mean really awful. Struggling, honestly. Can I be that real? Well, there you have it. But God, oh so good, has heavily blessed me. I mean, Sunday afternoon I stood under a mulberry tree having fellowship with a believer and eating off of God's land, and just feeling this heavenliness about it all. Am I allowed that sort of peace in the middle of my ugly? And this week He has showered me with trinkets of His love through people that love Him, and all I can do is bow face low, and profusely give Him glory for all He deserves. Why is it that God of all is pursuing me? Shouldn't I be tripping, limb over limb, arms outstretched, just trying to catch a glimpse of glory before my mortality runs out? And yet He, in this unexplainable kindness, gives me Sunday afternoon tastes of life everlasting, Monday morning blessings, and sends me surprise chicken pot pie because He loves me, and God moves on His people to love one another well. I want to be a tool for Christ, I want my hands to be washed by His blood, raised up in thankfulness, and outstretched in an imitation of His love and kindness.
We are selfish, prideful, condemned if left to our own devices. It's God's kindness that leads us to repentance, "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). So that becomes enough. And all else is extra. What love is this, that we would be pursued while we hated all that was good and holy? It's the only belief system that covers all with grace. All I've seen lately is grace. Why is tragedy the general predecessor to prostration before the Lord? Shouldn't we look at the glory all around, and thank Him before we have to call on Him in the midst of calamity? We need Him in the good and the tragedy. We thank Him for them equally, because one upholds the other. And me, wanting so desperately to allow my flesh to outweigh the goodness all around have been held back by a Holy Hand, keeping me thankful. And this God is even giving me the breath to thank Him with.